Monday, 2 September 2013


I read this on James MacMillan's blog Bologna and thought is was worthy of sharing with you.

Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become “whole” and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.
 We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.  
Stanley Hauerwas, quoted in The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller

Since we are approaching 34 years of marriage I am actually starting to get to know this stranger.... in fact I am getting pretty attached to him. I would even go so far as to say that much of the time we feel as though we are one, so much so that it gets a little scary. :)

Have a blessed week everyone. Love and care for that stranger you share a bed with. :)


Thelma Findlay said...

I like that description. And it's so true. I explain to most people who want to know about marriage and longevity in a marriage that it's something you never stop working at. You are two people committed to each other. Unique reigns for each. And together, you travel life's journey. Never stop communicating. Never stop learnign about each other. Having just recently reached the 35 year marker, I agree with your "just starting" to get to know ... because every day is just that ... a just starting to get to know. It's an absolutely wonderful adventure and wouldn't want to share it with anyone else than the man I married all those years ago. I think having the kids all grown up and on their own lets us reconnect with ourselves, much like we were doing when we first married!

Julie Cortens said...

Congratulations on reaching 35 years Thelma! Indeed marriage is something you work at. You do a lot of forgiving and you are thankful he does too. :) It works because you make it work. :) And that makes it all so worth it. We too are enjoying this phase. There is more time to do things together - especially play with the grandkids. :)

Laurie Bearce said...

Julie. I love this because life comes at you fast! We need to stop and smell the roses but who has time?! Jason and I will have been married 17 years this Tuesday. I'm so glad he's committed to God because it's hard to live with me!

Julie Cortens said...

Congratulations Laurie! I hope you have an opportunity to celebrate 17 years together on Tuesday. Life is busy and it does come at you fast. Without our commitment to the Lord I think we might have some difficulty putting up with each other at times. But He sustains us and our marriage and I have to say He just keeps blessing us in our love for one another. I am amazed that despite our many imperfections and annoyances, we continue to be completely committed to our marriage and one another - that is a GOD thing. :)